{"v":"2.0","page_type":"product","title":"I like my dates the way I like my Neoprene Face Masks: Cheap, and colorful. I?ve been reading a lot of women?s magazines recently. I mean?not the magazines of a lot of women. But a lot of ?women?s interest? magazines. It started just because I had a digestive mishap in the waiting room of my temp agency, and I rushed to the restroom thinking I?d grabbed FIELD & STREAM, but it was COSMO. I guess the cover model looked like a pronghorn out of the corner of my eye. Anyway, I was in there for a good long while (thanks, Greasy Gary?s All-You-Can-Eat Mussels ?N? Cheese Buffet), so I ended up reading it pretty much front to back, took the quizzes, everything. I. Learned. So. Much. Now I buy every chick mag I can get my mitts on. They?re FULL of actionable intelligence. It?s like intercepting enemy communiqués. Not that ladies are the enemy. But you know what I mean. Anyway, it turns out I?ve been going about things all wrong when it comes to the fairer sex. I?ve been trying to impress them with grooming, manners, working on being a good listener, cleaning my kitchenette before a date comes over, stuff like that. Worthless. Dead ends, all. I?m going to tell you something, and you?re not going to believe me, but I swear it?s the gospel truth. Here?s what ladies are into: Digital ACU 1/2 Neoprene Face Masks. I know, I know. But for real, dude. I got a Digital ACU 1/2 Neoprene Face ask, set it up in my pad where it?s visible from the door, and within the first month I was getting, like, eight or nine times as much action as usual. What? Yes, I know what nine times zero is. Why? Oh, I get it. OK, fine, I?m just trying to do you a favor. ?Nine times zero.? Huh! Smart Alec.","breadcrumbs":[{"label":"Home","href":"/python/html6/index.html"},{"label":"Brands","href":"/python/html6/menu_brand_index/menu_brand_index_brands_87101ba214.html"},{"label":"Zan Headgear","href":"/python/html6/menu_brand_products/1000/198000/menu_brand_products_ZanHeadgear_1_a042b952cb.html"},{"label":"acu","href":null}],"content":{"product":{"mpn":"acu","manufacturer":"Zan Headgear","brand":"Zan Headgear","brand_url":"/python/html6/menu_brand_products/1000/198000/menu_brand_products_ZanHeadgear_1_a042b952cb.html","title":"I like my dates the way I like my Neoprene Face Masks: Cheap, and colorful. I?ve been reading a lot of women?s magazines recently. I mean?not the magazines of a lot of women. But a lot of ?women?s interest? magazines. It started just because I had a digestive mishap in the waiting room of my temp agency, and I rushed to the restroom thinking I?d grabbed FIELD & STREAM, but it was COSMO. I guess the cover model looked like a pronghorn out of the corner of my eye. Anyway, I was in there for a good long while (thanks, Greasy Gary?s All-You-Can-Eat Mussels ?N? Cheese Buffet), so I ended up reading it pretty much front to back, took the quizzes, everything. I. Learned. So. Much. Now I buy every chick mag I can get my mitts on. They?re FULL of actionable intelligence. It?s like intercepting enemy communiqués. Not that ladies are the enemy. But you know what I mean. Anyway, it turns out I?ve been going about things all wrong when it comes to the fairer sex. I?ve been trying to impress them with grooming, manners, working on being a good listener, cleaning my kitchenette before a date comes over, stuff like that. Worthless. Dead ends, all. I?m going to tell you something, and you?re not going to believe me, but I swear it?s the gospel truth. Here?s what ladies are into: Digital ACU 1/2 Neoprene Face Masks. I know, I know. But for real, dude. I got a Digital ACU 1/2 Neoprene Face ask, set it up in my pad where it?s visible from the door, and within the first month I was getting, like, eight or nine times as much action as usual. What? Yes, I know what nine times zero is. Why? Oh, I get it. OK, fine, I?m just trying to do you a favor. ?Nine times zero.? Huh! Smart Alec.","description":"","attributes":[{"name":"Brand name","values":[{"value":"Zan Headgear","url":"/python/html6/menu_attr_pair/1000/53000000/53689000/menu_attr_pair_Brandname_ZanHeadgear_1_28d3a44a3c.html"}],"name_url":"/python/html6/menu_attr_pair/1000/53000000/53689000/menu_attr_pair_Brandname_ZanHeadgear_1_28d3a44a3c.html"},{"name":"Manufacturer name","values":[{"value":"Zan Headgear","url":"/python/html6/menu_attr_pair/1000/42000000/42518000/menu_attr_pair_Manufacturername_ZanHeadgear_1_88228dad55.html"}],"name_url":"/python/html6/menu_attr_pair/1000/42000000/42518000/menu_attr_pair_Manufacturername_ZanHeadgear_1_88228dad55.html"},{"name":"Manufacturer","values":[{"value":"Zan Headgear","url":"/python/html6/menu_attr_pair/1000/34000000/34580000/menu_attr_pair_Manufacturer_ZanHeadgear_1_e6a25aad0d.html"}],"name_url":"/python/html6/menu_attr_pair/1000/34000000/34580000/menu_attr_pair_Manufacturer_ZanHeadgear_1_e6a25aad0d.html"}],"images":[],"distributors":[{"name":"Walmart","sku":"202545305","url":"https://www.walmart.com/ip/Digital-ACU-Neoprene-Half-Face-Mask/202545305","pricing":[{"quantity":1,"price_usd":10.0}],"stock":{"available":false,"quantity":null,"lead_time_days":null},"moq":1,"multiple":1,"image":"https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/fe537732-d660-4b1d-9ad0-72bd3143012c_1.0dfe81c1d5a4701d4c39fc8fe0d55086.jpeg?odnHeight=450&odnWidth=450&odnBg=FFFFFF"}],"amazon":{"available":false,"products":[]},"metadata":{"generated_date":"2026-09-16","last_updated":"2026-09-16","data_sources":["Walmart"],"completeness":0.55,"version":"1.2"}}},"pagination":null,"nav":{"home":"/python/html6/index.html","brands":"/python/html6/menu_brand_index/menu_brand_index_brands_87101ba214.html","parts":"/python/html6/menu_part_index/menu_part_index_parts_909e6bf0ca.html","attributes":"/python/html6/menu_attr_index/menu_attr_index_attributes_d7f67a250d.html"}}